A Friday Epiphany

So like, um, its taken a week to tell this. 

It involves self reflection of the hard kind.

Someone told me last week  I would have some quick epiphanies. 

Some big stuff happening this year  that has involved multiple people giving evidential interviews. Right. So some of the people involved live in the South Island. I hear about 6 weeks ago that those people will be coming to the North Island at some point. I joke that I should try and find out when and greet them at the ferry terminal or at last stand on the BP OTAKI corner holding a sign with words that cant be said here....

 So having had the fantasy I forget this. 

On Friday 7 September 2.30pm, I am driving home from work and Im following a slow vehicle and I start to think to myself, maybe its them. Ive never seen their vehicle before so this is just stupid thinking.

 At the lights I start to to text someone who would know and as

 we take off from lights I overtake and F^&*, ITS THEM.

 I had prepared myself to slap my head and call myself an idiot and how bizarre. How the hell did that happen. MY GOD. 

So I start shaking. I think I have to do something. And so overtake and and pull over about 1 km later on a straight.

 I decide to get out of the car and be seen. I get out, take my jacket, hat and scarf off and stand visibly on the road verge to make sure Im seen from a distance. Then, I stepped over my own value system about enemy/pillock love, my first hand went up and then my second and I was giving them the fingers and screaming obscenities. Calling them self appointed prima donnas and more words I cant say here.

 When they pass, I get in car and breathe. I then start my journey home wondering about the timing of it all. I wonder if I can catch up so I can do it again and ecause they are slow travelling, I am behind them again. Then I lose it. I have to be seen. I pass my turn off. I follow 2,3 ,4,5 km passed my home. I over take and have the passenger side window down and stare out at the driver of the other vehicle. I try to make it a stare of perfect outrage.

 I start to think this is f%*^ing nuts, What will i do if they pull over having seen me. how far will I follow and what will I do when they are at their destination. 

slash their tyres, swear, swap the septic tanks and water tanks over on their vehicle?????.

 I stand on the road again and make sure Im seen. One last hand gesture or two.

 I hope they see me as strong, alive.

 I know going down their road of violence will lead me no where. I get back in the car. Breathe.  Think about driving again and just following following following.

Instead, I read the texts coming in from those I had alerted to what was happening... advising me to breathe, calm, dont ram them, come home, reminding me that they arent worth my energy, marveling at the synchronicity at the timing of just being on the road at the exact time, as I realise my energy best be served by going home and holding my 3yo friend, and loving my partner of 17 years.

That night I am holding my boy and looking at my partner at house mass as my dearest friend reads the psalm. It starts with the words

"Dont be heated at the wicked.."

I guffaw loudly.

 I sleep most of the weekend. 

I have had my epiphany.